america’s next top model


on the nights i don’t*ahem* read War and Peace or do the Times crossword puzzle *snort* i like to watch a little massively dumb show, with superb faux drama and legs that start at the chin, so humbly known as america’s next top model.

yes folks.

i like to sit on my red couch, quite possibly with some ice cream or some other ridiculously high fat content food, and watch the girls faint from starvation and clawing at each other over stolen poses, weaves, make up, clothes, gossip, red bull and peas. drowning my sorrows (pertaining to the sad, sad affairs of the world, obviously) into this mess of insanely excited, high pitched screaming legs – did i mention the legs? – gives me some sort of a weird satisfaction. it’s quite the circus experience. and i love it.

the faces are good too, by the way.

last night, as i watched my beloved (and recorded. what?) america’s next top model premiere its new season, apparently chuck full of nuts boarding all sorts of crazy trains, it occurred to me that the producers had really upped the ante on diversity this time. every season (and i’ve watched them all. shh.) they introduce a new character to prove just how layered and diverse the show is, because…hello, look at tyra banks! she all fine and rich now, but homegirl had it really rough, possessing a giant forehead and a single momma and all that jazz. so she says.


the tyra chooses each competitor and she’s been quite creative in the past. we’ve seen the anorexic girl, the fat girl, the ghetto girl, the muslim girl, the jesus girl, the jewish girl, the blewish girl (remember that? black dad, jewish mom.) the science girl, the dumb girl, the ‘i-don’t-give-a-shit’ girl, the molested girl, the long suffering girl, the yale girl, the druggie girl, the psycho girl and the miss J. alexander girl. just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, i mean crazier. shit, i mean diverse. i mean ridiculous. BAM!

introducing: the retarded girl. i mean, special, challenged, whatever.

you know they’re gonna drag her ass along for good ratings and then drop her like a hot potatoe because twiggy, hot nigel and the gay dudes are going to determine she lacks the social skills and she has a hump. and no, it ain’t lovely. miss J. wants perfection girls, ya’hear?

now…watch the autistic chick win. i contradict myself. i know. this is gonna be so good. just sayin’.

that’s all.


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